youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
