May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
