If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize