Got a toothbrush?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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