At least make sure they are 18
Why
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
