I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
