we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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