I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
