Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
