Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
