I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
