I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I fill condoms, not promises.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
