she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
