i just wanna soil my oats bro
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
