I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
