The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
