Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
