So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
