i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
No more Irish car bombs ever.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
