The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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