I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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