I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
