My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
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the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
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my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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