There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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