summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
