there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
