I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I sprained my soul last night
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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