he puts the penis in happiness.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
