I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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