I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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