my mouth tastes like poor choices
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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