Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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