walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
