What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Boobs speak an international language.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Randomize
