SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
This house was built for laser tag.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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