She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I supernannyed him into submission
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
