she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Randomize
