How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
