WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
