I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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