You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Randomize
