Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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