How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
