I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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