cat food counts as protein by the way
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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