You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
