Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
