We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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