I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
