Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
