And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
