I hope my margaritas pass through security.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Let's get the cat blown out
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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