my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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