So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's paint friendship bongs
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize