My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
