its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I am midnight drunk by noon
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize