I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize