Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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