Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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