everyone is single if you try hard enough
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
