Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
