update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
