i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
