I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
