I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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