Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Can you bring me the toilet please
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
